i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
