I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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