i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
