The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
