I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
