The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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