god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
being pregnant is like rehab
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
