he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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