it hurts more in the daytime
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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