At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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