watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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