i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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