Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
