I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
