so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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