I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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