i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
