Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
