I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
