Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
