It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
