I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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