fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
