I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
