the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
