I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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