My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
