There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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