Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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