Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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