The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He shit in the fireplace
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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