what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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