Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
babies were throwing up all over the place
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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