i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
