so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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