eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
