woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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