I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
from now on my penis is your penis
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize