just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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