it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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