ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
