He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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