i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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