I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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