Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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