Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
