dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
