Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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