hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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