You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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