perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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