so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
