I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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