What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
