Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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