Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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