I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They have beer where we have blood.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
