Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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