I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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