someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
