I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
