I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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