Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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