He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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