i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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