they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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