hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
