Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
