I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
