How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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