absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
