Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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